He's Gone.

(Feel free to ignore this first bit if you don't want teen angst type whining)


Sam is going back home now and I'm still here. I miss him already. It's hurting so much that I want to die. No more kisses and hugs and chatting for long hours together for ages. Tuesday is back to the daily grind for the both of us and I don't want it. I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to write another set of articles for the magazine, I don't want to work tomorrow or ever again because I'm hurting too much.

The oddest thing is that it was like he never left. It was as if 18 months had never passed. He stepped off the plane and back into my life so smoothly it wasn't a hassle to rearrange anything at all for him, like he was meant to be with me. Only the scenery was different. Everything else was the same.

I was afraid that after 18 months I wouldn't feel the same, I wouldn't love him anymore, everything would be awkward, and we would end up breaking up but the opposite is true. I love him more than I can say, more than I can show it, more than anything else in this world. I would give up everything I have here to live there with him. Everything. So that we could have our life together. God, I want that more than anything, to spend my life with him. No more of this bullshit of having to see him walk away from me again. I just want him to be with me, forever.

(Back to your regulary scheduled post)

Dinner today was ok except the roast pork was dodgy. The meat was a dark pink around the bone but the rest of it was fine so we ate around the pinkness. Both of us suffered some gas from it I think. Dessert was the danish ring and steamed chocolate nut pudding with orange liquor sauce. Then we finished The Dark Crystal and relaxed on the couch, talking and cuddling. And then it was time for him to leave.

On the drive down I fell asleep and woke up with the beginnings of a migraine which worsened steadily over the next hour and wasn't improved by my parents disappearing to Dunkin Donuts downstairs in the terminal without telling us and not answering their phones! All of us were upset at each other, but oh well. Sam and I had a few last words, a last hug and a last kiss before he went off through security. I watched him. One last kiss blown and he was gone. Mum and dad were a bit upset because they wanted to tell him a few last words before he left but he went off too quickly. We headed back to the car and I had to keep my eyes closed because the lights from everything were starting to be like laser beams in my eyes. How I survived the trip home I don't know. Mum gave me a Tylenol and I had a lay down and I feel better now. Apart from the whole angst about Sam leaving, of course.

And so the world turns. I wish it would stop.