I'm home, flight wasn't too easy seeing as I'm rather ill, I didn't get any sleep on the plane, but I managed to at least get about 45 minute in the car. As soon as I got home, I went straight upstairs and into bed.
There I stayed for about 7 hours... I haven't checked my bag to see if the "MTN Dew" survived the flight, or if my vast amout of chocolate made it either...
It feels like Myriam should be here somewhere, but she isn't and I can't quite understand that at the moment. I'm going to have a pot noodle in a minute or two and take all my pills and generally get used to being here again...
I'm glad the flight is over, but I'm not sure I want to be home, if that makes sense... I'll no doubt write another post when I'm more conscious, about the flight and customs, etc - but this is all for now!
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Saturday, 22 May 2010
Airport...
So, I'm at the airport, about to board in under 15 or so minutes. It still hasn't sunk in that my two weeks are over. I'm sure after some rest at home it'll hit me...
I tried to make peace with Myriam's dad by thanking him and going out of my way to say bye to him. I also gave Myriam some money to get some flowers from me to say thanks as well as some money toward her trip to see me in the uk next year.
The last day was pretty hectic, we woke up early, but it didn't seem to be early enough as we were still rushing about at the last moment trying to get everything packed and ready for checkout from the hotel at 11. My pneumonia is also giving me wild temperature swings today, from really cold to boiling hot, and sadly it mainly seems to like making me boiling hot...
We got out of the hotel, just gone 11 and headed back to Myriam's house where we relaxed and watched a bit of Sliding Doors before having a steak lunch. I really wasn't hungry at all. After that we watched some more of the movie and then it was time to go.
The shuttle from Manchester to Boston was weird, it was in two parts joined in the middle by some sort of dodgy "drug-deal" type affair where passengers swap shuttles depending on their destination... It got me here, so I can't complain!
Airport check-in was a nightmare, 2 desks open and about 100 people waiting. It turned into a freeforall when a desk was free, people cutting lines, ducking the divides... I was waiting about 30 minutes in the end to check in. Security was a different beast, it was quick, easy and quite thorough, the body scanner things are weird - they had to check my arm for some reason...
Anyway, here I am at gate E8A, about to get on the plane... iPad battery sits at 59% hold in there... I'm sure it'll make it through the flight and then some!
TTFN, hopefully I'll update this when I land at Heathrow in about 8ish hours time.
I tried to make peace with Myriam's dad by thanking him and going out of my way to say bye to him. I also gave Myriam some money to get some flowers from me to say thanks as well as some money toward her trip to see me in the uk next year.
The last day was pretty hectic, we woke up early, but it didn't seem to be early enough as we were still rushing about at the last moment trying to get everything packed and ready for checkout from the hotel at 11. My pneumonia is also giving me wild temperature swings today, from really cold to boiling hot, and sadly it mainly seems to like making me boiling hot...
We got out of the hotel, just gone 11 and headed back to Myriam's house where we relaxed and watched a bit of Sliding Doors before having a steak lunch. I really wasn't hungry at all. After that we watched some more of the movie and then it was time to go.
The shuttle from Manchester to Boston was weird, it was in two parts joined in the middle by some sort of dodgy "drug-deal" type affair where passengers swap shuttles depending on their destination... It got me here, so I can't complain!
Airport check-in was a nightmare, 2 desks open and about 100 people waiting. It turned into a freeforall when a desk was free, people cutting lines, ducking the divides... I was waiting about 30 minutes in the end to check in. Security was a different beast, it was quick, easy and quite thorough, the body scanner things are weird - they had to check my arm for some reason...
Anyway, here I am at gate E8A, about to get on the plane... iPad battery sits at 59% hold in there... I'm sure it'll make it through the flight and then some!
TTFN, hopefully I'll update this when I land at Heathrow in about 8ish hours time.
Take THAT!
Sam and I had an hour long talk last night about Dad; and he said the same sorts of things that others have said to me before: that Dad's scare tactics only work because I ALLOW them to work and I need to stand up to him if I want him to stop. Ok, sounds easy enough, yeah?
I really didn't want to get up this morning because it meant that Sam would have to leave me. We had a shower together which was rather nice; but it wasn't quite so nice to have him hacking up his lungs whenever he tried to move. It made me sad that he was ill this time around and that we really didn't get enough time together, at all. I said it before (I think) that I think an entire lifetime won't be enough, to be honest.
So we packed up our stuff (and fuck ME Sam needs to cut down on the amount of stuff he buys-there's 1 vitamin water, 6 cans of Mtn Dew, 5 cans of A&W root beer, 1 small iced tea, 1 bottle of root beer from Red Arrow, 2 organic root beers and a fucking HUGE bottle of iced tea, as well as chocolate, jerky, olives, pickles, salsa, Ranch Doritos, regular tortilla crisps and Cheetos for us to finish) and we checked out. I also changed the bucket of change Sam collected at the bank next door-it came to a little over $10. I gave him the money and mum picked us up.
Steak with a massive baked potato, green beans and some cream cake with strawberries for lunch today. Sam didn't eat much and I can't blame him; it'd be horrible if he had a stomach attack on the plane! Plus he was feeling ill and feverish. I gave him some of the strong acetaminophen along with the bottle of tonic water (with quinine) and we watched some of Sliding Doors before we left. Sam also slipped me money for my trip to the UK next year and money to buy my mother and I some flowers as a thank you. Sam also went and said goodbye and thank you to Dad, who was too busy fixing the sinking house to do much.
So we found the place for the shuttle just fine and waited there until it pulled up. Then it was for one last hug, kiss, a hug for my mother and seeing Sam off. For a minute he thought he would get the entire shuttle to himself but two people ran up. One got on because he had a reservation; the other didn't since she didn't. There was another young couple behind the van who was also kissing, hugging and carrying on; and I wished that it didn't have to happen to anyone, because this fucking SUCKS.
And that was it...he was gone.
The thing is, though, is that in the airport mum said to me that Sam taking the time to say goodbye and thanks would go towards helping Dad get over the grudge he has; but I doubt it. I told him off for giving me shit while I was playing Zelda when I got home. (And this next bit's copy/pasted from when I told Sam earlier)
He started in. "So what's the next step?"
"Going to the UK next year."
"Oh I thought so, and once you get there you won't come back, right? Am I right?"
"No."
"Well I'm right. And even if you don't like it anyway, you know what you're gonna do? Stay anyway. You and Sam are going to get a quick, crappy marriage and you'll be stuck there."
"You've not read UK marriage laws, have you? I'd need to be a citizen for a week before we do that, which means going through the entire process of citizenship and however many years that takes. Besides, who qualified you for reading my mental state?"
"I KNOW people. And Sam won't be coming back."
"You pulled that same crap last time, if I recall. And you were wrong."
"He won't be coming back because he got what he wanted."
"Well, then I must've done something right if Sam came back this time, right? You pulled the EXACT SAME crap last time and you were wrong."
And Dad pissed off without further comment. Booya!
I'm talking to Sam over MSN at the moment and I'm still feeling upset. Something I ate earlier's giving me stomach cramps and they HURT a LOT. Ows.
God I wish Sam was here still. I feel cheated. 15 months of prayer, hoping, wishing and joy and poof, over like that. Sam wasn't ill, if Lindsay didn't want to hang with us all the time, if there wasn't other things like graduation to worry about, it would've been perfect, but two weeks is really not enough.
Next step-hiding my money stash so Dad won't steal it (or finding some sort of an iron box with a padlock) and going to the UK! I can't wait!
I really didn't want to get up this morning because it meant that Sam would have to leave me. We had a shower together which was rather nice; but it wasn't quite so nice to have him hacking up his lungs whenever he tried to move. It made me sad that he was ill this time around and that we really didn't get enough time together, at all. I said it before (I think) that I think an entire lifetime won't be enough, to be honest.
So we packed up our stuff (and fuck ME Sam needs to cut down on the amount of stuff he buys-there's 1 vitamin water, 6 cans of Mtn Dew, 5 cans of A&W root beer, 1 small iced tea, 1 bottle of root beer from Red Arrow, 2 organic root beers and a fucking HUGE bottle of iced tea, as well as chocolate, jerky, olives, pickles, salsa, Ranch Doritos, regular tortilla crisps and Cheetos for us to finish) and we checked out. I also changed the bucket of change Sam collected at the bank next door-it came to a little over $10. I gave him the money and mum picked us up.
Steak with a massive baked potato, green beans and some cream cake with strawberries for lunch today. Sam didn't eat much and I can't blame him; it'd be horrible if he had a stomach attack on the plane! Plus he was feeling ill and feverish. I gave him some of the strong acetaminophen along with the bottle of tonic water (with quinine) and we watched some of Sliding Doors before we left. Sam also slipped me money for my trip to the UK next year and money to buy my mother and I some flowers as a thank you. Sam also went and said goodbye and thank you to Dad, who was too busy fixing the sinking house to do much.
So we found the place for the shuttle just fine and waited there until it pulled up. Then it was for one last hug, kiss, a hug for my mother and seeing Sam off. For a minute he thought he would get the entire shuttle to himself but two people ran up. One got on because he had a reservation; the other didn't since she didn't. There was another young couple behind the van who was also kissing, hugging and carrying on; and I wished that it didn't have to happen to anyone, because this fucking SUCKS.
And that was it...he was gone.
The thing is, though, is that in the airport mum said to me that Sam taking the time to say goodbye and thanks would go towards helping Dad get over the grudge he has; but I doubt it. I told him off for giving me shit while I was playing Zelda when I got home. (And this next bit's copy/pasted from when I told Sam earlier)
He started in. "So what's the next step?"
"Going to the UK next year."
"Oh I thought so, and once you get there you won't come back, right? Am I right?"
"No."
"Well I'm right. And even if you don't like it anyway, you know what you're gonna do? Stay anyway. You and Sam are going to get a quick, crappy marriage and you'll be stuck there."
"You've not read UK marriage laws, have you? I'd need to be a citizen for a week before we do that, which means going through the entire process of citizenship and however many years that takes. Besides, who qualified you for reading my mental state?"
"I KNOW people. And Sam won't be coming back."
"You pulled that same crap last time, if I recall. And you were wrong."
"He won't be coming back because he got what he wanted."
"Well, then I must've done something right if Sam came back this time, right? You pulled the EXACT SAME crap last time and you were wrong."
And Dad pissed off without further comment. Booya!
I'm talking to Sam over MSN at the moment and I'm still feeling upset. Something I ate earlier's giving me stomach cramps and they HURT a LOT. Ows.
God I wish Sam was here still. I feel cheated. 15 months of prayer, hoping, wishing and joy and poof, over like that. Sam wasn't ill, if Lindsay didn't want to hang with us all the time, if there wasn't other things like graduation to worry about, it would've been perfect, but two weeks is really not enough.
Next step-hiding my money stash so Dad won't steal it (or finding some sort of an iron box with a padlock) and going to the UK! I can't wait!
Last Night.
I'm at the hotel right now, using Sam's MBP (with the trackpad and keyboard I HATE so much because it's not the huge honkin' American keyboard since apparently people who live here can't type) and I'm upset. I don't want to live through tomorrow, I don't want to have Sam leave me again. I've got the feeling that Dad's going to pull an ambush or something. What baffles me is that no, it's not ok to have Sam go to the restaurant with them for supper tonight and throw a mini shitfit ; yet it's perfectly fine to give Sam a steak dinner tomorrow at the house, with his blessing? What the christ?
I'm baffled, at this point. I really am. I don't have a clue why Dad's being so hot and cold. He bitches about me being so angry all the time; I wish he could take a look at his attitude sometimes. I shouldn't be so afraid to talk to my father like he's my father, I feel like I have to talk to him like I'm some sort of a defense lawyer/he's the world's harshest judge and I'm on trial for everything: my beliefs (religious, political and otherwise), the fact that I love Sam, the fact that I don't have the right to go to the UK without an "escort" of either Lindsay or my brother [but yet if it's Lindsay, it's fine to leave her in London for however long; in a city where she knows no one]. Even mum's upset about this, being caught in the middle; she's been alternatively wishing for divorce and threatening to leave Dad in the shit for 3 weeks to teach him a lesson. I told her if she does that to take me with her. I'm tired of this. I shouldn't be wishing I was born into a different family; I shouldn't be afraid to talk to my bloody dad; I shouldn't be feeling like a 60 year woman, beaten down by life, at the end of her rope, who feels her life is a mistake.
When Sam leaves, my immediate plan is to fix up my resume and send it in to a few newspapers and magazines, start looking for cars (hopefully I can get a decent car for a really cheap price) and start writing a novel. I've had the idea floating in my head for a couple days; no time like the present to write something. If I can get it published, I'd be happy.
I'm baffled, at this point. I really am. I don't have a clue why Dad's being so hot and cold. He bitches about me being so angry all the time; I wish he could take a look at his attitude sometimes. I shouldn't be so afraid to talk to my father like he's my father, I feel like I have to talk to him like I'm some sort of a defense lawyer/he's the world's harshest judge and I'm on trial for everything: my beliefs (religious, political and otherwise), the fact that I love Sam, the fact that I don't have the right to go to the UK without an "escort" of either Lindsay or my brother [but yet if it's Lindsay, it's fine to leave her in London for however long; in a city where she knows no one]. Even mum's upset about this, being caught in the middle; she's been alternatively wishing for divorce and threatening to leave Dad in the shit for 3 weeks to teach him a lesson. I told her if she does that to take me with her. I'm tired of this. I shouldn't be wishing I was born into a different family; I shouldn't be afraid to talk to my bloody dad; I shouldn't be feeling like a 60 year woman, beaten down by life, at the end of her rope, who feels her life is a mistake.
When Sam leaves, my immediate plan is to fix up my resume and send it in to a few newspapers and magazines, start looking for cars (hopefully I can get a decent car for a really cheap price) and start writing a novel. I've had the idea floating in my head for a couple days; no time like the present to write something. If I can get it published, I'd be happy.
Friday, 21 May 2010
Last Day...
I'm feeling quite sad today as it's my last actual day here in America, sure I'll have most of tomorrow too, but that'll be spent at an airport mainly.
It sucks that I'm ill this time, it's really brought a huge downer on the holiday - and I know Myriam's family see it as well, considering the email I just got from Myriam asking if I'm bored of them. I'm not, I'm just sick of being ill which is making me frustrated and fed up. I'm also spending as much time as I can away from Myriam's dad to save his sanity - plus I can't stand his two-faced attitude, he complains about politicians doing it, yet he does it himself! Hippo-crit. In fact Myriam has just told me that for some reason her dad is annoyed about something again. I dislike this man.
Right, well I'd better start my packing, so that I make sure I have everything, and that I have my clothes out for tomorrow. I really don't want to go back home - I don't feel like I've been here long enough :(
It sucks that I'm ill this time, it's really brought a huge downer on the holiday - and I know Myriam's family see it as well, considering the email I just got from Myriam asking if I'm bored of them. I'm not, I'm just sick of being ill which is making me frustrated and fed up. I'm also spending as much time as I can away from Myriam's dad to save his sanity - plus I can't stand his two-faced attitude, he complains about politicians doing it, yet he does it himself! Hippo-crit. In fact Myriam has just told me that for some reason her dad is annoyed about something again. I dislike this man.
Right, well I'd better start my packing, so that I make sure I have everything, and that I have my clothes out for tomorrow. I really don't want to go back home - I don't feel like I've been here long enough :(
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