Take THAT!

Sam and I had an hour long talk last night about Dad; and he said the same sorts of things that others have said to me before: that Dad's scare tactics only work because I ALLOW them to work and I need to stand up to him if I want him to stop. Ok, sounds easy enough, yeah?

I really didn't want to get up this morning because it meant that Sam would have to leave me. We had a shower together which was rather nice; but it wasn't quite so nice to have him hacking up his lungs whenever he tried to move. It made me sad that he was ill this time around and that we really didn't get enough time together, at all. I said it before (I think) that I think an entire lifetime won't be enough, to be honest.

So we packed up our stuff (and fuck ME Sam needs to cut down on the amount of stuff he buys-there's 1 vitamin water, 6 cans of Mtn Dew, 5 cans of A&W root beer, 1 small iced tea, 1 bottle of root beer from Red Arrow, 2 organic root beers and a fucking HUGE bottle of iced tea, as well as chocolate, jerky, olives, pickles, salsa, Ranch Doritos, regular tortilla crisps and Cheetos for us to finish) and we checked out. I also changed the bucket of change Sam collected at the bank next door-it came to a little over $10. I gave him the money and mum picked us up.

Steak with a massive baked potato, green beans and some cream cake with strawberries for lunch today. Sam didn't eat much and I can't blame him; it'd be horrible if he had a stomach attack on the plane! Plus he was feeling ill and feverish. I gave him some of the strong acetaminophen along with the bottle of tonic water (with quinine) and we watched some of Sliding Doors before we left. Sam also slipped me money for my trip to the UK next year and money to buy my mother and I some flowers as a thank you. Sam also went and said goodbye and thank you to Dad, who was too busy fixing the sinking house to do much.

So we found the place for the shuttle just fine and waited there until it pulled up. Then it was for one last hug, kiss, a hug for my mother and seeing Sam off. For a minute he thought he would get the entire shuttle to himself but two people ran up. One got on because he had a reservation; the other didn't since she didn't. There was another young couple behind the van who was also kissing, hugging and carrying on; and I wished that it didn't have to happen to anyone, because this fucking SUCKS.

And that was it...he was gone.

The thing is, though, is that in the airport mum said to me that Sam taking the time to say goodbye and thanks would go towards helping Dad get over the grudge he has; but I doubt it. I told him off for giving me shit while I was playing Zelda when I got home. (And this next bit's copy/pasted from when I told Sam earlier)

He started in. "So what's the next step?"

"Going to the UK next year."

"Oh I thought so, and once you get there you won't come back, right? Am I right?"

"No."

"Well I'm right. And even if you don't like it anyway, you know what you're gonna do? Stay anyway. You and Sam are going to get a quick, crappy marriage and you'll be stuck there."

"You've not read UK marriage laws, have you? I'd need to be a citizen for a week before we do that, which means going through the entire process of citizenship and however many years that takes. Besides, who qualified you for reading my mental state?"

"I KNOW people. And Sam won't be coming back."

"You pulled that same crap last time, if I recall. And you were wrong."

"He won't be coming back because he got what he wanted."

"Well, then I must've done something right if Sam came back this time, right? You pulled the EXACT SAME crap last time and you were wrong."

And Dad pissed off without further comment. Booya!

I'm talking to Sam over MSN at the moment and I'm still feeling upset. Something I ate earlier's giving me stomach cramps and they HURT a LOT. Ows.

God I wish Sam was here still. I feel cheated. 15 months of prayer, hoping, wishing and joy and poof, over like that. Sam wasn't ill, if Lindsay didn't want to hang with us all the time, if there wasn't other things like graduation to worry about, it would've been perfect, but two weeks is really not enough.

Next step-hiding my money stash so Dad won't steal it (or finding some sort of an iron box with a padlock) and going to the UK! I can't wait!